Yes, I chose to have my kids, and I chose who to have them with. However, it goes the other way as well. Their dads chose to have these amazing kids and with me as well. So why do so many people want to put the responsibility completely on my shoulders, that I am to eat, sleep, and breath the kids and nothing else. Meanwhile their dads get to have free time to go hang with friends and do whatever without a care in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death and I love spending time with them, but an occasional break for a couple of hours without hearing "mom" would be nice. Adult conversation would be nice too, talking with a 2 year old or 8 year old only goes so far. Want to know about the Jonas Brothers? iCarly? How about Caillou? or Zaboomafoo? hahaha.
Another thought, I don't want empty promises and dreams that go unfulfilled. If you say you are going to do something, do it! 110%, put all your heart and time into it. Otherwise, it means nothing to me. Better yet, those are your dreams, do what you want with them, but I have my own dreams, and I intend to make them true, ON MY OWN!
You will not drag me down! I will not stoop to your level, I will not be sad and lonely just because you are. I will create my own happiness and bathe in it! I will drink it up till I am drunk on it! I will remain on my own self induced, natural high!
Nobody owns me, except maybe the government and my kids...hahaha! I will do what I want, choose who to keep around me, choose who to talk with, choose when to end a conversation or association, I will choose..... MY LIFE!
Finally, be true! Not just to others, but yourself. My brother couldn't have put it better in his own life blog, "...tonight I saw some ooooooold friends that I haven't seen in years. While there, the little voice in my head kept telling me that I should lie and say I'm already successful and things couldn't be better. This scared me because I've conditioned my own damn head to actually believe I am what I want to be, even though I'm not yet." (Kyle Evans, Blog post) So just tell the truth, people will find out anyways, and then you just look lame. I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit that I live with my parents, because if I didn't who knows where my 2 kids and I would be.
....Just had another thought, more like an appology, to my daughter.
Hailey, I am sorry for all that you have been through in your short life, some that was nobody's fault, some that was my own. I am sorry to have drug you through my own selfishness and my own wants. I am sorry that I have tainted your perception of what a relationship should be and what a father should be. I promise from here forward I will do whatever it takes to correct that so when you are older you don't make bad choices and will be happy.
I love you,
Mom
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